God took you away too soon. your bright smile that never failed to light up anyone’s day. rest in paradise my friend.
also i fully believe and trust that God has sent you to be his guardian angel. be with him as he goes through surgery tommrow. and i know that you are forever grateful for what he did(:
gonna blawg about life since i havent in a while.
-i hate school. i absolutely hate it. like seriously. ive been getting no sleep, compared to the first 2 years of highschool where i spoiled myself and gave myself 9 hours of sleep per night.. and the consequences? bad grades. like fucking down the damn drain bad grades. 2.6 average. good-bye UCs. so junior year, everyone tells you not to slack off. better take that advice. not the best ive heard, but i def took it. i slept late. every night. at 12 or 1 slaving over homework. wake up at 6, TO CONTINUE THAT SHIT. and my classes arent even hard. wtf am i doing wrong in my life. im like not the top of my class. i need sleep. like seriously. i take fucking naps at 930 PM and wake up at like 11 to continue doing hwk. who the hell does that. yeah me. -__- im not the top of my class. im not the best danceer. my grades are shit. my goals i put for myself will not be met with said shit grades. wahttt am i DOOOING with my life. like seriously.
-my family drives me insane… dont even need to elaborate on that.
-im trying hard. no joke .. trying hard to make everything fit.. kinda like a huge jigsaw puzzle. where you insist that thats the piece that fits, later to find out that it doesnt. its so frustrating my life… yadayadayada. im complaining and whining. but not one person understands my life. not one…
-daddy is sickk. again.. well not again.. cause he never got better. money is never tight in my house. we always have everything we need. and mom saves the money from things we want but dont get for a rainy day.. thats one of the biggest lessons i learned this past year. save for a rainy day. i always knew my life and my family was going way too well to be true. well gosh dang it. dad gets sick. bam… he gets surgery. bam. he’s good. … he’s repaired. but not for long. dad’s going through radiation.. and he’s as bad as before.. he’s in his third week of a six week treatment cycle. and he’s getting tired again. and he is getting really bad traumatic wounds… the radiation is so strong that it’s burning through the flesh of his skin… he’s complaining its itchy, and i beleive it feels like a carpet burn.. but wont go away.. and what can i do for him? nothing.. and till this day i cannot bear looking at his abdomen.. i want to help.. and care for his wounds but then his old scars from the surgery are there. and it reminds me of the painful past i just recently went through. since he’s getting tired, mom wants him to stop working again for a while…
-and then there would be less money for extra things… because of my failures and currently failing math, i get private tutored. for a lot… and mom has to pay for that. and i dont want to burden her. i dont even want anything for christmas. i asked for AP practice books and SAT practice books.. im not even kidding..
-ive found no time to relax or calm myself. which is why i want to and sleep all the time.. life is overwhemling and i feel like i cant do anything about it…
thanks for reading.. to be continued.
- /mom's cell phone rings...
- MOM: hey can you pick it up?
- Me: yeah sure! its probably amanda! (my sister)
- /picks up the phone.
- Me: HELLO! YOU HAVE REACHED (626) xxx-xxxx.
- sister: Hello????... / hangs up.
- me: LOOLLOLOLOL OMG MOM SHE BELIEVED ME!
- /HOME PHONE RINGS.
- /PICKS UP.
- ME: TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
- Sister: ... HELLO?
- ME: trolololololololol! i GOT YOU.
- sister: huh? hello?
- me: I GOT YOU AGAIN!.
- sister: OMG WOW I THOUGHT IT WAS THE ANSWERING MACHINE AGAIN.
- me in the morning: what.. is school. LET ME SLEEP.
- me in front of closet: fuq dressing cute. im bleeding for god's sake
- got to school: screw you all i wanna shoot all of you.
- end of the day: i just want to die.
- /shooting is not to be taken literally .
/for da bby(;
as i left Lucia’s place at 12 AM with my dad like dragging me home as i left DT social, i cried so hard in the car silently to myself. i didnt cry in the circle of love we had. because it was happy for me. the 11-12 team made me really happy this year. you all showed me what a second family truly is. and i thank you for that. (: many of DT members were there for me when i need you guys the most, and were the only people there for me that truly cared. so thanks DT for showing me what family is like (:
-go on an adventure
-go to disneyland with s/o.
-cook breakfast for (:
-kiss under the stars
-kiss under fireworks.
-go back to 88 steps.
-drive thru adventure with SLICE(:
-go to sixflags(:
-die from 6 hours of dance practice each day.
-get to know people from summer school.
-sneak out of the house
-get A on geometry summer school retake-_-
-hang with DT seniors(:
-work out my abs back to the way they were the beginning of this year.-_-
/and more to comee.
the way we meet people. through tumblr. through other people. through a friendly gesture of a smile or hello. and how one person can change your life forever.
if that person didnt speak up, or you didnt, you would’ve missed out on a great friendship that you never expected. and you make the relationship happen. you make it work. no matter the distance or the obstacles you face.
look hella FINE this friday. or imma flip):< gotta look good in those pictures…. >___>
my grades are still down the drain. OH WELL.